Self worth of a Mother...

So I went to a Scentsy Family Reunion on the weekend, our annual conference where they celebrate achievements and give their consultants training and tips on how to better themselves and their business.

What has this got to do with self worth you might be thinking? A lot!

I have been to three of these conferences since I signed up with Scentsy in Nov 2013. Each year we have driven 12-24 hours to attend with kids in tow. This year of course we had Charlie with us, so we had four children on a 12 hour drive. I must admit the kids were pretty darn well behaved considering how long they were stuck in the car. Poor Charlie must have started to think he was never going to see me again. Everytime I got him out of his capsule he was grinning like a Cheshire cat and wouldn't feed properly as he just wanted to look at me and smile.

So back to self worth...

When I signed up with Scentsy I had a goal to make a couple hundred a month to pay for Callie's dancing fees and help out with the crazy ridiculous Kindy fees. Jared also asked that I please not send him broke. (duly noted)

So I signed up, never having seen the product or smelling anything and hoped to hell I could make a couple hundred dollars. As a lot of you know I did quite well with my little Scentsy business and went on to be top sales for Australia numerous times and earn three incentive trips. I have been working my business from home around the kids for the past nearly three years. I currently still hold the highest sales since Scentsy launched in Australia in 2013. Just shy of $200,000 worth of scented goodness sold in Emerald.

Now, I haven't worked a proper job since I was pregnant with Callie. I suffered horrible morning sickness with her and spent most days either with my head in the toilet bowl or laying on the couch crying... struggle was real! It's a wonder she has three siblings, I lived on fruit flavoured icypoles as they tasted the same going down as they did coming up! Being a mum was the only thing I wanted to do, since I can remember. I wanted to turn 18, find the love of my life and have babies.

I did pretty much that... I thought I was happy, that everything I ever wanted was right in my lap, and really why shouldn't I be happy? I had never really worked through some things from my teenage years and really didn't realise how low my self worth was. I find it interesting that a lot of the bubbly/confident people often suffer the worst from low self esteem. On the outside I would have come across every bit the positive/bubbly/confident person but it's a bit like the iceberg analogy... you can only see what sits on the surface.

So, on our trip to Scentsy reunion last year which was in Sydney. I had a lot of time, 24 hours in fact to talk with Jared and ponder on life and get all deep and meaningful. So as Jared and I were chatting it somehow came up about why I liked to receive recognition for my achievements with Scentsy and why it made me so happy? And why did we have to drive 24 hours for me to feel happy? I thought about it for a while and then started crying... this is a common occurance you are probably thinking if you have read my other posts. I realised that I needed this recognition to make me feel like I was worth something. I didn't feel like just being me, Cassie was really worth much. I felt I needed to be ahieving and being the best at something to feel worth while.

Being a stay at home mum can be draining, it's like groundhog day everyday! You don't really get any recognition or praise from anyone for being Mum, in fact quite the opposite. Kids think your cooking is gross, think you are mean if you discipline them, think you are mean if you don't let them have exactly what they want. Think you are mean when you send them to bed... basically they think you are mean and out to ruin their lives. Obviously not all the time, they can be super sweet and loving and it's definitely a rewarding job in other ways. But let's be real, you don't have someone standing behind you to pat you on the back when you are acing the mother gig.

So throughout my 3 Scentsy reunions I have learnt to accept and love myself a little more each time, it's a very uplifting weekend full of positive speakers. The most recent Scentsy reunion was probably the best one I have attended. I had a lovely time catching up and meeting new team members and just thoroughly enjoyed my weekend.
There was a defining moment for me at this reunion on our leadership training day. We had a guest speaker, she was a multi million dollar direct sales goddess. Had made her first million by the time she was 19 and retired at 37, living the dream right? So she spoke to us for around an hour and not once in that time frame did she mention anything about a husband or children. She told us the different steps we needed to put in place to make it in the direct sales company and the time we'd need to put in etc. I sat and listened, I was inspired but felt a little overwhelwed at the same time. I was wondering to myself how on earth I could have time with my children with all of this time and energy I needed to put into my business to become a millionaire?!

She left some time at the end of her presentation for questions. I raised my hand and asked if she had any children. She looked almost embarrassed, she had completely forgotten to talk about her two daughters, so gave us a brief summery of her life as a mum and wife. Of the hour she spoke to us, she only really gave her children and husband about five minutes. I followed on my question with another question, basically asking her if she scaled back her business when she had a new baby. I voiced my concern about regretting being present in my childrens lives and looking back in years to come and wishing I had spent more time on them. She did answer me, but completely missed my point and told me I should out source home duties to someone else as that was what she had done. Millionaire Cassie would love a house cleaner and someone to do my groceries... Realistic Cassie knows that is not in my budget at the moment.

I thought about my question for a while. In my quest to do well with Scentsy and to feel like I was worth something I had totally missed the beauty of what Scentsy allows me to have in my life. I may not be a millionaire, but I am present in my childrens lives, whenever they need me to be. No awards, achievements, money, incentive trips will ever replace missed time spent with my children.

My Scentsy achievements have allowed me to feel of worth and importance so that I can recognise the most important and worth while calling I have in life. Being a Mother! My reason for joining the company has completely changed, although we do need the extra money I make to pay bills and afford looking after four children. I have realised just how important my role as mother is!

I was nominated for the most prestigious award that Scentsy has on the weekend. I felt very humbled and honoured to have been nominated. Although I did not win the award, my little family was there to kiss and cuddle me and congratulate me for being nominated. In that moment when the winner was announced, Jared kissed me on the head and told me I was his shining star. I looked down at Charlie sleeping on my chest and my other three little ones cuddling around my legs and I realised, I am important, loved and worth while and I am the best mother these children will ever have or need!

That 12 hour drive with four children was worth it for me to realise the importance of my role, please don't ever think your roll as a mother is not important. <3